True—a clearly defined sales process increases chances of closing, improves forecasting and such. However, most people think the process should build relationships with prospects. And understand their problems, offer ways to solve them.
That's not nearly enough, nor your purpose.
Most salespeople approach customer outreach thinking their purpose is to:
- Get an appointment.
- Demonstrate value.
- Build rapport.
- Uncover pain points.
Nope. These aren’t your purpose either. These are outcomes—potential results of your efforts, not the purpose creating them.
You've likely heard some idiot say, "Sales is about value creation, not transactions." This, too, is misguided. Wrong. Customers assign value.
Quick example: When you buy a new car, house or toothbrush the value is assigned by YOU. It isn't created by a sales person, marketer or manufacturer. Your new car was either a lemon or a gem. Your roof started leaking on that new house and boom; you regretted the purchase. Buyer's remorse!
You applied too much pressure with that new ultrasonic toothbrush and damaged the enamel of your teeth.
Whatever we experience when using (or misusing!) a product or service is the product's value. We can either extract or assign value. Doesn't matter. It's all about our experience as a customer -- not a marketing claim or a tangible benefit.
Your lawyer or accountant doesn't give value. You assign it to him/her—based on your experience. Likewise, "Give value first—before the sale" is a death trap for sellers. Because it's a green light to PUSH people away.
To persuade. There IS a better first step. Developing a skill—the ability to attract people to you, PULL. (Learn how in my Curiosity Crash Course)
Anyway...
“The outcome of sales is not often the purpose of the process,” says UK sales guru Benjamin Dennehy.
“Take a trial. If you were to ask a lawyer the purpose of a trial, they wouldn’t say, ‘get a conviction, get an acquittal, or have a hung jury.’ Those are potential outcomes. The purpose of a trial is about impartiality, justice, and fairness.”
Dennehy reminds us how attachment to outcomes fosters negative thoughts, neediness and even desperation. Salespeople who focus on “getting a meeting” come across as clingy and pushy.
Instead, the purpose of outreach is to find emotion.
The purpose of sales—find emotion
Epictetus, a Stoic philosopher, taught that “Difficulties show a person's character, and the greater the difficulty, the more glory in surmounting it.” In sales, this means reframing challenges as opportunities to align your actions with your higher values—not with transactional goals.
The purpose of sales outreach is to find emotion and facilitate reflection on the status quo.
As Dennehy puts it, “The purpose of prospecting is to find emotion. When found, the probability you'll close a deal is exponentially increased.”
Thus, the purpose of a sales or lead management process is NOT to persuade people into meeting. It's to uncover whether (or not) they feel emotionally compelled to explore a problem or objective further.
This means the process must provoke prospects to critically reflect on three questions:
- Do I have a problem I need to solve?
- Do I accept that this problem is significant?
- Do I feel ready—emotionally and practically—to address it?
Scott Channell, one of the few sales trainers I respect, puts it bluntly, “You are seeking to activate a thought that is already within the suspect's brain. It is not your job to implant a thought that is not there. It is your job to activate and leverage a thought that is already inside their mind.”
Your purpose is not to be seen as an expert, nor manipulate nor guide or steer; rather, it’s to help the customer meaningfully connect with their own emotions and motivations.
Persuasion no, facilitation yes
Most salespeople wrongly believe their job is to persuade. They think, “I’ve got to say something compelling that starts the process of persuading them to engage. Otherwise, why would this executive give me their time?"
But here’s the problem: people hate being persuaded. They instinctively resist it. But there's more. Persuasion is a low status activity. Provocation is a high status tactic, reflecting how decision-makers and power brokers behave. (themselves)
Short, terse, blunt. The tone can be deemed rude to the untrained ear.
Think of it this way: Persuasion is about pushing. Coercing. Attempting to eliminate choice though a false pretext: "I'm here to help 'educate' you, Mr./Ms. Client."
Provoking, then facilitating, as a process is all about pulling. Attracting. It's a high status process which doesn't rely on low status persuasion. Persuasion transmits lack of confidence. Provocation and facilitation reeks of confidence.
By being direct, provoking plays on emotion.
As Dennehy explains, “The purpose of a cold call is to take a person who is in an intellectual and matter-of-fact state of mind and help them FEEL they have an issue that needs more exploration with you. That’s it. Not wailing in agony, but enough for them to feel uncomfortable since speaking with you.”
Emotional facilitation can, when stars align, spark curiosity. You can, when designing how to communicate, provokes self-reflection and create an environment where customers start asking themselves, “Do I need to talk to this person? They're asking a question I should be asking myself -- but am not. It seems they have a missing puzzle piece to offer.”
Key word: Seems. That's the attraction piece. Think of this process as a tease. Less is more.
Design a purpose driven sales process
Starting the Conversation: Initial Outreach
Your job in the first conversation is to find emotion. Then, leverage it to provoke curiosity. No persuading allowed. Help the prospect to begin reflecting on their own situation—not because you’ve pushed them. Rather, because you’ve created space for them to connect with their own thoughts. To challenge themselves by reviewing the situation as an outsider would.
That's what facilitation is. For example:
- Facilitative Question: “How are you currently addressing [specific challenge] internally? What’s working well, and what’s frustrating?”
- Purpose: This question helps customers consider reexamining their own efforts and results, free from any pressure. It activates preexisting curiosity and invites those (who are most likely) to explore their problem further.
As Dennehy reminds us, focus on mastering the process, not the result. “A true professional focuses on what they have to do to get somewhere, not whether they get there. Do that well, consistently, and you will have predictable outcomes.”
Qualifying the Prospect: Exploring Readiness
Earning conversations with people—who don’t want to talk to you—gets easier when you focus on provoking curiosity rather than persuading.
Your purpose at this stage is to help potential customers assess their own emotional readiness to act. As Scott Channell puts it, you’re not planting thoughts but activating what’s already within them.
- Facilitative Question: “How does this challenge impact your daily operations or long-term goals? What, if anything, would cause you to consider solving this right now?”
- Purpose: This question avoids creating artificial urgency. Instead, it empowers the customer to genuinely (without bias) weigh the importance of their problem and decide whether it’s worth pursuing solutions.
When the prospect says, “I need more information to understand what you’re suggesting,” they’ve begun the process of convincing themselves. That’s facilitation in action.
Advancing the Conversation: Moving Toward a Decision
Most salespeople approach this stage by trying to overcome objections or create urgency. But persuading others to move forward usually backfires, leaving the prospect feeling pressured. Or worse.
Instead, facilitate potential customers emotions; help them to clarify priorities by asking questions keeping control in their hands.
- Facilitative Question: “What would make addressing this challenge a priority for your team right now?”
- Purpose: This question encourages the prospect to reflect on their decision-making process. It invites them to align next steps with their own goals and timelines, free from external pressure.
By focusing on what matters to them, you build trust and foster a sense of collaboration.
The Benefits of a Firm Purpose in Sales
These include...
- Authentic Conversations: Facilitation creates meaningful interactions based on mutual trust, not manipulation.
- Deeper Emotional Connection: Customers feel in control, strengthening their trust in you as a partner.
- Improved Mental Health for Salespeople: Detachment from outcomes reduces stress, fostering confidence and resilience.
- Sustainable Success: Prospects who move forward are emotionally ready, leading to better results and fewer regrets.
Finding your true, firm purpose will allow the transition from persuading focused processes to facilitating buying activity. Indeed everything changes. The Stoic principle of Firm Purposes teaches that success lies in focusing on how you approach each interaction—not on the outcome.
As Dennehy wisely observes, “The root of all misery is attachment. If you’re miserable, it’s because you’re holding on to something. Let go, and the misery goes with it.”
Next time you reach out to a prospect, let go of the need to persuade. Instead, ask: “How can I help this person realize what they need—for their own reasons?”
By centering your outreach on this purpose, you’ll create conversations that are more productive, authentic, and rewarding for both you and your customers.
